Fix the Human Race in Five Easy Stages

 Thanks to multiple catalysts in the past ten- to twenty years, it seems that kindness has become somewhat overrated. Between exaggerated claims of loneliness and isolation during the Covid pandemic, Ultra-Conservatives crying for rights that have already been afforded to them or simply don't exist, and heroin and TikTok  supplanting responsible drug use and the Moon Landing, it demands no great effort to see that forgiveness and generosity are largely being treated as an inexhaustible supply of second-chances. 

Accepting this now as par for the course and not some minor fluke in people who otherwise exhibit normal judgement and common sense, maybe it's time we as a society employed a few cruel and sadistic means to resolve the issues of developmental fecklessness and the shared burden it places on us as a community. 

I'm neither a mathematician nor an expert in fields of statistics (or really gifted in any way besides I have a good memory and a decent work ethic) but going by intuition I'd say that a lot of the problems listed above would find relief if we shaved about 4 billion off the top of the population. For starters, quit producing mother/prostitute androids for sexless billionaires who haven't had a natural erection in 30 years or longer. If you've ever considered fucking a robot, the human race can do without you. All those nerds who don't know anything about music or poetry or philosophy or really anything besides video games and Vin Diesel movies shouldn't even qualify as nerds anymore: nerds have value. Albert Einstein was a nerd. So was Kurt Vonnegut. 

We might also consider teaching real history in schools, as well as taking individual efforts to learn more for ourselves as curiosity dictates. There are three-thousand-plus years back there of people losing, dying, and suffering in unspeakable agony with only fidgets and flashes of redemption and progress along the way. Put that in a young person's head, give them twenty-five years to grasp it, and by the end they should firmly be on one side of the equation or the other; either they'll take every opportunity to make their lives worth living, or they'll have invented some horseshit reality where they can live as a victim for as long as their parents don't change the locks. 

And what's with elderly people bemoaning the most inconsequential shit they can think of? If those wastes of life don't qualify as irreparable cases of grief, I'm sure that anything does. There are more than enough abandoned houses (that were unlikely to ever be sold in the first place) where we can shove these miserable bodies into and just feed them under the door as it were and they can bang around in the walls and the shadows for the remainder of their days, acting as something of a warning and a daily-reminder to young people who've yet to recognize some similarity between these bags of shit and themselves. As with teaching history in schools, the money's in the repetition. 

I'm sure none of these are immediately appealing options. However, it's fair to say that that boat sailed sometime about fifty or a hundred years ago, and 2023 is a good year to reassess the situation. The time might be ripe to re-introduce Gladiator Combat to the modern world. In addition to working down that 4 billion number, it would create new jobs and provide some convenient inspiration for self-improvement to those who partook in the activity. No one would even have to be forced by the state or whoever. Just get Joe Rogan or Tom Segura to do a podcast and I'm sure there'd be a running-supply of muscle-headed unfuckables and famished athletes to promise ticket-sales won't perish until one triumphant warrior emerges from the senseless morass of death and deafening enthusiasm. You know I'm right. 

We could even put ex-stockbrokers who can't deal with the fact they're just gambling addicts wearing more respectable brands than dope fiends shooting dice in a basement with streetwalkers and fallen stars from 1980s sitcoms in there. I mean, it's not like those clowns are about to begin sewing fields in the midwest or they can all open pot dispensaries: and even if they could we could probably just get Sri Lankan lepers to do those jobs at a lower cost. Stockbrokers are pretty much the lowest of the low when you think about it. They place bets on other peoples' efforts and talents: who in God's great fuck actually has any need for that? 

At any rate, those are my thoughts on the subject for now. Hit me up in the DMs or text me as you see fit. Just not when we happen to be in a public place at the same time. Save your breath for polishing your steel: The arena is waiting. 

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